


In This Moment

by Aunt_Kathy



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Assimilation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:18:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aunt_Kathy/pseuds/Aunt_Kathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unimatrix Zero A/U: complications arise when the away team are beamed back from the cube; leaving Janeway with more Borg technology in her than had been predicted. The tables are turned as she must learn to rely on Seven for support in the wake of her assimilation. But can she pull through such a dramatic change? Or will she buckle under the stress? </p><p>Janeway/Seven pairing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Oystercatcher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oystercatcher/gifts).



> Betaed by Singing_Violin
> 
> I was originally reluctant to post this, as [among other reasons] I wasn't quite sure how to go about writing it. However, with a fierce kick from my muse I was persuaded that writing it was something that I should do. 
> 
> About the Rating: I might change the rating later, but for now it stands at 'Teen and Up' because it applies. If I decide that I want something of a more explicit nature in the later chapters I will edit as necessary.

The ship shook violently as the Borg cube fired at the shield generators. However, none of the ship's bridge crew were concerned about their shields at the moment. Chakotay, who was currently the most senior officer on board, had just given the order to beam out the away team. So far, all attempts had been unsuccessful.

Tom Paris was working as fast as he could, narrowing the angular confinement beam as much as possible in order to get B'Elanna, Tuvok, and the captain out. However, with the shielding in that area of the cube still partially intact, it was taking a lot longer to beam the away team out than expected. He almost had a lock on two of them, but the third was still out of reach, buried further within the cube than the others. However, sensors could not detect who it was, only what medical condition they were in.

"Chakotay, I can't get a lock on all of them, the interference is too great."

Chakotay knew he had to make a snap decision, but the order he gave was one that he had wished he would never have to. "Get whomever you can out of there! Energize!"

Tom clenched his jaw and initiated the transport. The two crewmembers that had been successfully retrieved were sent to Sickbay, where the Doctor was already on standby with a medical team.

"Get us out of here, Ensign!" came the call from behind him, but Tom wasn't about to give up on the third signature. Tom's hands flew over the controls as he tried desperately to compensate for the interference created by the destabilizing cube. He could see the damage beginning to spread as the vessel in front of them was ripped apart. Medical alerts came up on his console as the heart rate of the third signature spiked dramatically. His own heart stopped as the transporters locked on to the last remaining Starfleet officer and the beam out was initiated. The interference was still there, but if they were lucky, all three members of the away team had made it home. If this didn't work, they were going to lose the third member.

"NOW, TOM!" bellowed Chakotay, knowing that it was no longer possible for them to stay in such proximity to the disintegrating cube.

"Aye, sir!" The pilot initiated maximum impulse to get them out of there, but they couldn't quite out-run the blast wave, and the ship shook violently before finally jumping to warp. They might be safe from the Borg for now, but they were not out of the woods yet.

Tom's heart was pounding as Chakotay shut down the red alert before addressing him again. "Get down to Sickbay, Paris. Something tells me that the Doctor could use the extra pair of hands."

The younger man nodded briefly before dashing to the turbolift and jumping inside. Given the medical readout from the transport, the Doctor would need all the help he could get.

"Deck Five!" he shouted as the doors slid shut behind him. Tom couldn't remember the last time he was quite so scared. The possibilities of what he would encounter in Sickbay flashed across his vision and he shook his head, trying to drive out the images of B'Elanna lying dead on a biobed, the mottled gray skin of her cold corpse covered in Borg implants. She'd hate it if he saw her like that; he didn't want that to be the last image he had of her.

His only regret was not having settled with her, not having asked her to marry him. But there was a possibility that the last person to be beamed out was not B'Elanna, and that whoever it was, wasn't dead. Tom tried hard not to find relief in that slim chance, but the pain that knifed at his chest abated slightly at the thought that it had been another member of the away team. However, the guilt that settled in the pit of his stomach at the relief quickly cancelled out the joy.

The turbolift doors opened and Tom pushed all emotions from his mind. He needed to remain objective during this. He sprinted down the hall towards Sickbay, but the agonized screams coming from inside could be heard halfway down the corridor.

The doors parted and Tom glanced around to assess the situation within. However, the scene in front of him was one that he was not prepared for. He saw two members of the away team lying on two biobeds and was relieved to see that the two in question were Tuvok and B'Elanna. Both of them seemed relatively unscathed. The joy in his heart surged as his eyes saw B'Elanna, but the moment was short lived as the scent of charred human flesh reached his nostrils and cut through the elation at seeing his girlfriend. His heart was gripped by an icy fear as a blood-curdling screech from the other side of the room rang out sharply.

Tom turned to see three people struggling to hold down the third member of the away team, or rather what was left of her. Captain Janeway's Borg appearance was something that Tom could have dealt with, but the skin exposed was another matter. He could not see a single square centimeter where the mottled gray tissue had not been burned. Angry red and inflamed skin crusted over Janeway's molten flesh. Blood vessels had split and burst under the charred surface, blood seeping between the cracks and stinging exposed nerve endings.

The captain's features were twisted in the pain, blistered skin pulled taught as she screamed wordlessly, the sharp sound reverberating off the sterile walls of Sickbay. Tom rushed to the Doctor's side, grabbing a fallen hypospray at the holographic foot of the physician. The EMH had been ready to administer it as Janeway's small form materialized in Sickbay minutes beforehand, but he had been unable to give it to her amidst her fit. Paris pressed it to an exposed area of flesh on the captain's neck, helping to hold her steady as her thrashing subsided. She whimpered and mumbled for a moment, then stilled.

He swallowed as his eyes raked over her burnt body, Borg implants twisted and bent out of shape due to the heat, almost certainly seared into the flesh below. He could recognize her, but only just. The proud line of her jaw stood out against her charred skin. The entire upper layer of the dermis had been damaged, and the burns were severe. Even Tom's limited medical knowledge allowed him to realize that there would be no way she could survive this without severe scarring.

Dazed, he helped the Doctor see to her damaged body while the junior medical team saw to B'Elanna and Tuvok. Neither of them had been burned as badly as the captain, but Tom knew that was because they had been in a completely different area of the cube.

"Our first priority," ordered the Doctor, "is to remove as much of the Borg technology as possible. Her nanoprobes are already starting on the deeper tissue damage, but in order to ensure that her human systems will be able to reassert themselves, we have to remove the technology now before it becomes too deeply ingrained in her body. Once we have completed that, we will be able to take care of her other injuries."

He picked up a medical tricorder and began scanning the captain, trying to locate the best place to start removing the Borg technology.

"Doc, you know as well as I do that the captain isn't ever going to be the same after this."

The EMH clenched his jaw and looked at the man next to him. "I agree it is unlikely that we will be able to revert her to her original appearance, but right now we have to do the best we can to ensure that her biological systems will be able to take over once this is over. Before that happens, we can't even begin to treat her burns."

Tom nodded and followed the Doctor's lead as they set to work on Janeway. This ship desperately needed her captain, and he was hoping for a miracle.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Seven became aware of was the pain: a sharp stabbing sensation that emanated from the back of her head and seemed to travel the full length of her body. It was excruciating. She tried to keep her body still, to focus on her breathing, on any train of thought that could distract her from the pulse of agony radiating out from the base of her skull.

But the pain was a good thing. It meant she was alive. As long as she could feel pain, Seven knew she was still on  _Voyager_ , still able to tell  _her_  the truth, still able to say that-

She couldn't remember what she had wanted so desperately to say to her. One moment she was looking at the destruction around her, the slow unraveling of Unimatrix Zero, the dreams of millions of drones slowly being eaten away, and then… then…

 _Then I realized… how much I... loved... no... not 'loved'..._ love _her..._

The one person she wanted to be with in that moment was not the one who had just vanished, one that she had presumed to love while she was in the collective, but a person she had grown to care for since then. A woman who had been there for her for the last three years, whom she had loved all this time. The one person's face she would want to see before she was gone from with world forever. The one person she would do anything for. She just hadn't known what to call it. Not until now.

_I love her... I am in love with her..._

Finding this to be the thought that eased the pain somewhat, she tried to open her eyes, but the light she encountered was too bright and stung her retinas. She closed them again hastily, only opening them slightly: this time Seven kept her eyes shielded somewhat by her lashes as she squinted through them.

_I need… I need to tell her...what she… she means to me…_

The light faded again as the darkness claimed her pain once more, dragging her along with it.

The second thing she became aware of was a small hand on hers, a high voice calling her name. This time Seven was too weak to even register the pain as her nanoprobes work to repair the damage. She couldn't feel it as they mend her body.

_I have to tell her… I need her to know how much I… love her... how much I love…_

Once again, the darkness pulled her under.

"SEVEN!"

Her eyes shot open at the shout she heard from somewhere above her, where a small, rounded shape was blocking out the painful light she had encountered the last time she had attempted to open her eyes. She fought against the darkness, willing her eyes to focus on the figure in front of her. Slowly, gradually, the shape sharpened and she could tell that the person calling out to her was none other than little Naomi Wildman.

"Naomi?" Her throat was dry, her voice was raspy and weak, but at least talking was something that caused less pain than moving.

"Seven, are you okay?" The child looking down on her sounded genuinely frightened, her eyes round with concern. Seven was torn between telling the truth and not wanting to worry the child, but after a few seconds to assess her condition, decided that the latter would be a better course of action.

"I have been better, but my nanoprobes are currently repairing me." She was glad to see that some of the girl's worry abated at this news. Behind Namoi she could see that the alcove she had been in was damaged, presumably from the clash with the cube. The coupling mechanism that ensured drones stayed stationary and upright while regenerating had come loose and was now sparking intermittently. It would not have been difficult for her to be thrown from the alcove and across the Cargobay. Raising her hand to her head, she realized that the pain she had experienced earlier had been from a cracked skull. Seven knew that head wounds had a tendency to bleed heavily, and usually made the injury look far worse than it actually was. She could feel that the fracture had healed again, and that there was fresh skin at the base of her skull. The blood around the now-healed wound was dried and crusty. How long had she been unconscious?

"Naomi, where are the other Borg children? And why did you come down here?" Seven slowly sat up, mindful of any sudden movements that might mean a longer healing period. Fortunately, she found everything to be relatively painless.

"During the attack we were with Neelix, but then the others decided to stay in the mess hall. I told him that I needed the bathroom and came down here. No one would tell me what was going on, but I knew you would. Then I found you lying here and-" Naomi broke off and Seven could see that she was fighting tears. "I was worried, so I checked to see if you'd wake up. You opened your eyes, but only for a second. I called for you and that was when you woke up."

Seven put an arm around the child and hugged her. "Do not worry, Naomi. Everything will be all right. You did well to remain so calm."

"Thanks, Seven. Are you sure you're going to be okay? There was a lot of blood."

"I am sure." Naomi calmed a little more and Seven decided that she could ask the girl a question. "Naomi, how long has it been since the attack?"

"About… four hours. I'm not sure what's happened, but I know that B'Elanna, Tuvok and the captain are all in sickbay."

"Have any of them come out?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay," replied Seven, willing herself to remain calm. Naomi had said it herself: people rarely told her what was going on. She reminded herself not to think the worst until she had been told what was going on. "Naomi, I will need your assistance in getting to Sickbay. Do you think you can help me with that?"

"Yes, I can help you with that, Seven."

"Good, can you help me stand?" Seven knew that a child weighing approximately eighty pounds could not lift a woman that weighed nearly twice as much, but making Naomi feel important would not only distract the child from potentially distressing sights and thoughts, but take her own mind off what she might encounter in Sickbay. Preparing herself to stand, she let Naomi pull her arms so she could get to her feet.

"Come on, Seven," ushered the girl as they left the cargo bay and headed towards the Tturbolift.

"Deck Five," ordered the ex-drone as she tried not to think of what may or may not have happened to Captain Janeway during the away mission. She tried instead to focus once more beside her on the small girl who seemed to be calmer now. "Naomi, I will need you to return to the mess hall for me."

"No. I need to make sure that you get to Sickbay all right."

"Naomi, listen to me," said Seven in what she hoped was a calm and collected tone of voice, "I need you to go to the mess hall so you can check up on the other children for me until I can come and meet you there. I won't be long in Sickbay, but I need to make sure that the children are all right."

"But won't Uncle Neelix be up there with them already?"

"He might, but he will also be helping with repairs. I need you to do this for me."

"Okay, Seven. But promise that you'll come up to see us as soon as you're done in Sickbay?"

"I promise."

"Pinky swear?" asked the child with a determined expression, holding her left hand up to Seven, the smallest of the five fingers extended.

"Of course," replied Seven, who copied the gesture, clasping her own metal-encased finger around Naomi's small digit. She had seen Naomi and Mezoti do this previously, and thus knew the meaning it held to the girl.

With that, the turbolift stopped at Deck Five.

"I will be with you shortly, Naomi," promised Seven as she stepped out of the turbolift and headed towards Sickbay. The second the doors closed Seven broke into a run, filled with dread at what she would encounter in Sickbay and a raw need to see Kathryn Janeway.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hand me forty ccs of inaprovaline," ordered the Doctor, pressing the hypospray given to him by Tom Paris to the neck of the captain. It had been over four hours since she had materialized in Sickbay, and they were finally close to stabilizing her vitals.

Tom began to calm as he heard the heart rate of the captain return to normal. No longer was it shown as the erratic lines on the ECG monitor, but instead evened out as the sedative took effect. The two of them had tried every feasible combination of treatments, most of which had been severely hindered by the efforts of the nanoprobes. However, the Doctor had found a way to partially subdue them, which had allowed for more success.

B'Elanna and Tuvok lay on biobeds, sedated to protect their higher brain functions as their Borg technology was forced to shut down in order for it to be removed safely from their systems. Their nanoprobes had proved less of a problem, but then theirs had not been trying to repair a heavily damaged drone. The Doctor had made it clear that they were in no danger at all, not even Tuvok despite the difficulties he had encountered. Their priority was to stabilize Janeway to the point where she too would be able to recover while she was kept unaware.

As the medical readout showed her vitals normalizing, the Tom sighed while the Doctor took a moment to survey his work on the captain. For the most part, the technology that they had been able to remove was now gone. What remained was so deeply ingrained that in some cases it would take a matter of weeks or even months to effectively shut down and extract, in others it would have to remain for even longer. But her body needed time to heal fully before he could assess the situation better, and that too would take time.

The doors to Sickbay slid open and Tom looked up to see a rather flustered looking Seven of Nine enter. He noticed a line of crusted blood leading down from her neck into the fabric of her biosuit, and sprung into action.

Seven, however, was in shock, all thoughts of her promises to Naomi forgotten as her worst fears were confirmed. Her eyes were glued to the other end of the room, a lump forming in her throat as she regarded the small form of Kathryn Janeway on the biobed. She noticed the changes in her appearance, the implants that were visible on her cheek, neck, collar bone and arms. No doubt there were more implants that lay hidden below the sheet that modestly covered the form of the woman she loved, and Seven felt her heart break at the knowledge.

 _I have done this... this is my fault..._  the thought knifed at Seven. Ever since she had regained her individuality Seven had been trying to come to terms with the guilt she carried due to the actions she had carried out as a drone. But this was different. Then she did not have control over her actions, but now Seven was her own person, free to make her own decisions. But her latest one had almost led to the the death of the one person she truly cared for. Kathryn Janeway would never be the same again, and it was because of her involvement in Unimatrix had led an away team to assimilation with the hope of dealing a crippling blow to the entire collective, at Seven's insistence and encouragement, and this is what she had to show for it, another brush with death. Seven had almost lost her. But there was no way that she would let that happen again without first telling Kathryn Janeway how much she meant to her.

"Seven, what happened?" asked Tom as he approached the young woman with a medical tricorder. The ex-drone started in surprise at the question, her own injuries forgotten as she beheld what remained of her captain.

"Th-that is irrelevant." Seven stammered uncharacteristically as Tom ran the scanner over her injury. She swallowed against the lump in her throat before asking the question that had been burning on her tongue since leaving the Cargobay.

"How is she?" Seven's eyes never left Janeway, and Tom noticed an expression of two halves, neither of which he had ever seen on the face of the normally composed woman in front of him. One was hurt, an acute pain that was only visible in her eyes and even then only slightly. The other was longing, or loss, but he couldn't quite decipher which.

"She's… doing okay, for now," he replied as he took a deep tissue scanner and made sure there was no further damage to her skull or brain. Finding none, he passed over the area of the wound with a dermal regenerator to aid the nanoprobes in their last stages of the healing process.

"Clarify." Seven's tone was icy and demanding. Tom looked again at the woman in front of him, realizing that he had never seen her so shaken about anything. But then 'shaken' was rarely a term that could have been applied to her.

"The captain's systems are stable, but we need to make sure that there is no more irreparable damage to her."

Paris saw the ex-drone's jaw clench and wondered why she was taking this so badly: it was relatively good news.

"What…" he saw her throat bob as she swallowed, "… what  _irreparable_  damage has already been done?"

 _Of course_ , he thought.  _There was no way that something like that would get past Seven_. He finished his work and set the regenerator down on the biobed before answering her question. "She will be left with scarring, both external and internal."

"Will she heal?" Tom heard the break in her voice as Seven tried hard not to look too closely at the small figure lying on the biobed. But it was too late, she had seen the scarred tissue of Janeway's exposed skin. The knowledge that she was responsible hurt even more now she knew that the damage of the woman she had inadvertently caused harm to would be lasting, possibly even permanent. She wasn't even aware of the Doctor circling his patient closely for any signs of damage he had not anticipated.

"Eventually. There is a possibility that her scars will reduce to the point where they are no longer noticeable, but that will take time. We have been focusing on removing the Borg technology from her body first, although we have had to leave more than we would have liked in her."

"How much?"

"41% of the Borg technology is still present." Tom paused for a moment as Seven let out a shaky breath. "We know that with further surgery we'll be able to extract almost half of that, but her injuries make removing it now too much of a threat to her."

Seven inclined her head- a nod. "Thank you."

"It's part of my job, Seven. I just hope that you don't hit your head that hard again. You might not be so lucky next time."

"I am well aware that I will not be this 'lucky' again, Lieutenant. However, I was not referring to your having treated my injuries."

Tom stared at her, wondering when it became possible for the usually impassive woman in front of him to appear so vulnerable.

"Mr Paris!" His head snapped up as he was called to from the other side of the medical bay. Both he and Seven could hear the source of the Doctor's cry almost immediately- the captain's readings were once again erratic. He stayed where he was, knowing that he was closer to the medical supplies right now.

The EMH was scanning her intensely, tricorder in one hand, scanner in the other. Flipping it shut, he yelled across the room once again. "A full shot of adrenalin! And one of arithrazine!"

Grabbing the two hyposprays he had filled, Tom ran back to the biobed, on which Janeway was beginning to stir. This was bad. If she came around now, it was likely that the Borg technology had managed to adapt to yet another of their treatments. They couldn't let that happen: waking now could have a devastating effect on her in the long term.

However, as the holographic physician pressed the hypo to the scarred skin of her neck, Tom saw her lips move to form one word. One word that might have been the one she had mumbled before being subdued the first time, but now it was clearer and Tom was able to make it out before Janeway sagged on the biobed, her head lolling to the side.

"Sev… en…"

The continuous, uneven beeping of the medical readout that echoed throughout Sickbay was deafening to the ears of the drone, but the single quiet utterance of her name that she had been able to distinguish was louder than any cry, any order she had heard the captain bellow before. It wormed its way around her heart and crushed it.  _This might be the last time I hear her say my name…_

"Mr Paris, hand me a cortical stimulator. Seven, prepare for a burst at 35 milijoules on my mark!"

The goal seemed to painfully simple: to bring Kathryn Janeway back to life. Seven took up her position by the controls, feeling oddly calm in the wake of danger. But she was grateful for it. Panic would not be conducive right now, she needed to remain focused.

She watched as the EMH attached the cortical stimulator to an area of scarred skin on the captain's forehead. He readied the hypospray filled with adrenalin and gave the order.

"3…2…1… Now!"


	4. Chapter 4

_One hour later…_

Sickbay was nearly silent, the air heavy with the tension that had built up ever since Kathryn Janeway's heart, severely weakened from the stress of her injuries, had given out shortly after her body had been healed as much as was possible. The figure that lay on the biobed now, half-covered by the same sheet used to preserve her modesty earlier, was not recognizable as the captain at first glance. Many had previously said that she looked smaller when out of uniform. This had little to do with the added height awarded to her by Starfleet-issue boots, but everything to do with the attitude she carried alongside the red and black of her position. She wore her occupation with pride, dignity, and grace, precious little of which could now be found on her now: her body still, her skin bare and scarred.

Seven looked down at her commanding officer, emotionally and physically drained from the struggle to save her love's life. What she had to show for her efforts was precious little.

They were proven by the small, consistent beep of the monitor at the end of the biobed. The proof of synaptic activity and a heartbeat which, Seven realized, were as stubborn and persistent as the woman to which they belonged. She knew that, had the captain been awake, that she would have been embarrassed by the state she was in, horrified at the changes that had taken place to her appearance. But Seven also knew that Kathryn Janeway would not have let anyone see those emotions. She would have been calm and composed, carefully inquiring about the rest of the mission.

She would first have asked about the ship, then about Lieutenant Torres and Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. Only once she had determined the safety of others would she have paid any attention to her own well-being.

Seven observed the current form of Kathryn Janeway closely, noting the implants she could see with greater detail than she had before. A small, thin implant lined her right cheekbone, just below her eye. A starburst could be seen on the left side of her neck, and another one just below under her collarbone. A small spidery line of circuitry lined her left forearm, emanating from a small implant that hid just above her elbow.

Other than those four implants, there were no others visible as she lay on her back, but Seven knew that there would be a line of nodes that ran along her spine. Every drone had them, and the Doctor was currently trying to determine the best course of action to remove them from both B'Elanna and Tuvok, but there was no way for them to be removed from the captain. They allowed for the absorption of energy from an alcove and, as Kathryn's body now hosted Borg technology with the need to be maintained, she would have to keep them for regeneration. However, it was not this knowledge of these that disturbed the tall blonde the most. No, what pained her was the spidery implant on her left arm. The fine mesh wound its way around to the outside of her limb, thickening somewhat before coming to a halt at her wrist: her assimilation tubules.

The thought cut Seven deeply, despite her knowledge that the captain had not used this ability at all. This implant would most likely be the one the captain saw most often, as the others were not in her direct line of sight. It would serve as a constant reminder of what had happened to her. Seven knew too well the kind of pain this knowledge could inflict, having experienced it first-hand. She would never have wished it on anybody, least of all the petite redhead that lay before her now.

She wished that there was a way for these visible implants to be removed so that the captain might regain her old appearance, but that was now impossible. She would forever be marked as different, as an outsider, in much the same way that Seven was. In some ways, it would be easier for the captain. She would have friends that were there for her, a loyal crew to stand behind her. But, instead of regaining her humanity or individuality, Janeway would have to come to terms with what her implants would mean in the long term.

Reaching out shyly, Seven’s left hand advanced slowly towards Janeway’s cheek. She was curious as to the texture of the captain’s skin, and wanted to take the chance in case she never had it again. Would it feel silkily smooth, just as she had always expected? Or would the scarring have changed its texture forever?

"How is she?" Seven jumped at the low tones of Voyager's first officer. Pulling her hand back, she clasped it in her other and stood straight, although her eyes never left the small figure lying in front of her.

"She is out of danger, as far as I can tell," replied the Doctor, who then proceeded to reel off the list of injuries that the captain had been admitted with, along with the stages of healing each was now at. Once that list was complete, he moved on to explain her implants. Seven had no need to listen to the Doctor: due to her eidetic memory she could already recite the list. The injuries the captain had sustained in the initial explosion had been surprisingly minor when her proximity to the initial blast was considered. Her right side, the one more heavily armored by technology had been the one facing the explosion, a factor that had saved her life initially, although it had led to other internal injuries. There had been heavy hemorrhaging in her right lung caused by a malfunctioning implant and three shattered ribs, something untreatable while still under white-hot metal.

Seven tuned out the drone of the EMH, instead focusing on the lattice of scarred skin that was visible on Janeway’s right side, still raw and angry as the healing process progressed. The color would return to normal in several days, but even then, whether it would ever resemble Janeway’s original skin again was unclear.

Not too long ago, she had been determined to do everything in her power to let the captain live, but now, as she regarded her, a macabre thought filled her mind: what if it had been more merciful to allow her die? To permit her the dignity of a death instead of the battle she might face ahead?

"Seven?" The ex-drone jumped as Tom Paris laid a hand on her shoulder to gain her attention. She realized that she must have been deep in thought, as the commander had left sickbay and the EMH was now working on Tuvok and B'Elanna.

"I… I am sorry," replied Seven, still somewhat startled, but happy to be interrupted from her dark line of thinking.

"You looked like you were a couple of thousand light years away. Are you okay?"

"I am… fine."

Tom had always had a knack for reading people, and, despite Seven's efforts to hide whatever emotions she was experiencing and maintain her usual indifferent manner, he noticed that there was most definitely something the matter.

He also noticed that this 'something' was most likely related to the captain's recent injuries. He was concerned for the blonde. Yes, he would have expected her to be upset at the fact that the captain had been injured; that the two of them were close was no secret. However, he was beginning to wonder just how close the two women actually were. Earlier, he had noted that the usually-composed woman looked distinctly ruffled, which worried him: it took a lot to ruffle Seven of Nine.

"Mr Paris?" Hearing the summons, Tom began to walk to the Doctor, looking over his shoulder once more at the woman behind him. Seven was regarding the captain with what was definitely guilt. But there was another emotion, too close to the surface to hide. As Tom glanced back, he realized that it seemed to be a mixture of affection and… longing. He couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to Seven's behavior than he had originally seen.

Part of him was tempted to question her on the matter, but he knew that right now wouldn't be the right time to do so. And so, focusing his attention on the EMH, Tom pressed his thoughts of Seven to the back of his mind.

Seven’s hand came up again, reaching towards Janeway’s scarred cheek. Trembling, two of her fingertips briefly touched the skin at the captain’s temple. They traced their way down to her cheek; Seven noted the surprisingly tender feel of freshly-regenerated tissue, stroking down further. Suddenly she jerked her hand away, as though she herself had been scalded. Her fingers had come into contact with the smooth metal of the implant on Janeway’s cheekbone, surprising Seven despite her knowledge of the implant’s existence.

Extending one finger, she touched it again, her memory recalling the feel of her own implants. This was so very much the same, but so very different at the same time: when she touched her own implants, she would note the data they picked up, such as the temperature of her skin and her heart rate. But touching the captain was different. She could take the time to feel the implant, rather than be inundated with information. She could become lost in the sensation of the slickness of the metal. Seven began to wonder if anyone else could ever feel like this when they were touching her own implants, if Kathryn could ever feel like this if she touched Seven’s implants.

No, she could not, Seven decided. Despite the captain having touched her previously as a show of comfort, on the arm or shoulder, not once had she touched an implant that was on display. That had only happened once, in the brig upon Arturis’ ship. And even then, she had done so to save the crew.

Placing her hand flat upon Janeway’s cheek, Seven ran her finger gently over the skin below the implant, her chest feeling oddly tight as she reminded herself of just whose cheek this was. For a brief moment, she wished that Janeway be awake for this, that she could not only be aware of it, but not mind the contact, welcome it even. Closing her eyes, Seven allowed herself to imagine a time when she would be able to do this when Kathryn knew of it, and when she would smile happily in response to the caress.

_But that won’t happen._

Sighing, Seven opened her eyes. Her heart almost stopped when she realized she was looking directly into those of the woman lying in front of her.


	5. Chapter 5

Kathryn was underwater. She had to be. Her entire body was heavier than before and her head was swimming. There was a dull throbbing from her right side and, although not exactly painful, she did consider it slightly uncomfortable.

She tried to move a little, to figure out where she was. Finding herself immobile, she concluded that something must be holding her down; she tried to use her other senses to determine her situation. She could hear small sounds that made no sense out of context: a quiet droning murmur and a low, hum-like sound that wavered from time to time. Kathryn thought back, trying to determine why these sounds were familiar…

Suddenly they stopped, and Kathryn was once again in silence. She listened for anything that might help her determine where she was or what had happened, but there was nothing. Her ears felt like they were full of liquid, like she was suspended in something that would let her breathe but not move in the slightest.

Then the sound was back. This time there were two pitches, both low, but one more hushed and a little rougher than the other. The second was… soft and slow; disjointed in places, its murmur breaking occasionally.

_Voices_ , she realized. _Familiar voices._  She tried to determine to whom they belonged, the sensation of liquid in her ears and head beginning to clear slightly as she became increasingly aware. She focused on the second voice: the softer, slower one that seemed pleasantly soothing…

Kathryn could feel her head begin to swim again, the voices fading as she began to drift back into unconsciousness. She fought against it, trying to determine whose voice that was-

The voices began to fade, little by little until they stopped altogether and Kathryn felt the urge to frown. Maybe she was dreaming, and was actually completely solitary. There wasn't anyone there: the more she thought about it, the more she was sure of that fact.

As if to prove her wrong, something touched her, instantly undermining her belief that she was alone. It traced its way from her temple downwards; making the urge to open her eyes and find out what it was almost unbearable.

The touch stopped, and Kathryn knew that would have sighed at the loss if she had been able to. That one brief touch had been worth so much to her. However, she had a feeling it would be the only one she was to receive for quite some time.

She felt her mind begin to drift off again and she began to wonder if the small, smooth touch to her temple had been fictitious. It could have just been a figment of her imagination, conjured by her unconscious mind as it tried to make sense of what was happening to her. Or maybe… maybe-

Janeway's thoughts were cut short as the touch returned, surer than before as it resumed its course along her cheek bone. No, this touch was definitely real… and deliberate.

**Caritassium alloy. Standard issue exoplating for a level 5 drone.**

_What was that?_

As speedily as it had come, the voice was gone again; its fleeting existence so brief that Kathryn began to doubt that it had ever existed, much like she had done with the touch when it had left her face. That same touch had now expanded to take up much of the right side of her face, as if someone had laid something over her skin. She felt slick smoothness of metal-

**Caritassium alloy exoplating over flesh of carbon-based organism. Species 5618. Human. Biological scans: body temperature is 37.658°C, heart rate 71 bpm.**

_What is that?!_  Kathryn grew concerned at the deadly dry tone of the thought that had flitted through her mind, so detached and emotionless that it had chilled her to the core. Only one other voice had ever managed to do that: the transmission sent out by the Borg.

_Am I still on the cube?_

She searched through what she could recall from before: being assimilated, the search for the central plexus… conversing with the Borg Queen… but after that there was nothing. She tried again, but upon failing to remember for a second time she decided to focus on what the voice had said- metal exoplating. If she was on the cube that could be any drone, but if she was alive- and Kathryn was certain she was- the Queen had not been able to kill her, meaning that she was probably back on Voyager. If this was the case, then there was only one person that touch could be coming from, as there was only one person on her crew with exoplating on her hand, whether it was caritassium or any other metal.

_Seven. Seven is here._  Janeway's heart stuttered slightly at the thought that for once she wasn’t alone. A friend was there with her, waiting for her to wake up. Yes, it was true that Seven might be in Sickbay for some other reason, but that it was _her_ that had touched her cheek seemed to suggest otherwise. Seven's presence in was something of a surprise, albeit a pleasant one. At least she wasn't alone. And, the longer that the notion had time to settle, the gladder she was that it was Seven who was there. Recently Kathryn had noticed a strengthening of the bond between the two of them, and that it should be Seven who was with her now made her relax somewhat.

Even if she had been able to move, she would have remained completely still, reluctant to d anything that might chase away one of the few touches she had received for the past six years. Yes, she had reached out to lay a comforting hand on members of her crew when they needed it; on their shoulder, their arm or their upper back, but she rarely received any comfort in return.

She could feel herself becoming aware, rising up out of unconsciousness like to air after a dive. She needed to get up, she needed to breathe, and she needed to do so now.

Kathryn felt her left arm twitch slightly, an involuntary spasm, but one that gave her hope as she tried to open her eyes. But she couldn't- the lids were just a bit too heavy for her to move. Concentrating fully on her eyes and the will to see what was going on around her: who the voices belonged to and why she could now tell the metal of Seven's implant just by coming into contact with it. She felt the darkness that had thus far engulfed her fade into a warm orange before lifting completely and brightening into sheer white light.

Squinting, she saw blurred outlines emerge, slowly focusing until she could recognize the lighting panels of Sickbay in the background. In front of them, there was a slightly darker shape, one that she knew well.

"Sev…en…"

As she had feared, what Kathryn now knew to be Seven's hand suddenly removed itself from her cheek, and the woman it belonged to started a little in surprise.

"Kathryn!" That Seven had spoken the word in a cracked gasp was something that went unnoticed by Janeway, her focus being on the fact that the young woman had called her by her first name. Not 'Captain', but Kathryn. Janeway's relief increased as the strong features of the younger woman's face sharpened and defined. Her proud nose and full, ruby lips came into view. Janeway's lips twitched into a weak smile when her eyes focused on the pale blue eyes that were looking into hers intently.

"Seven." Right now, she couldn't think of anything else to say, or rather didn't want to: it was as if the woman in front of her was the single most important thing to her. "Seven, I-"

"Ah, Captain," nasal tones interrupted her, ones that were well-known to both women. The EMH stepped into view, a neutral expression on his face. The lack of his usual smugness gave Kathryn a sense of foreboding. Just what was it that had gone so very wrong that it left him without his usual pride?

"Doctor?" Kathryn swallowed, noticing for the first time that her throat was dry. Finding that it helped relieve the itch a little, she swallowed again. "What happened?"

"There were… complications when you were transported back from the cube."

"Complications?" The word held all manner of potential implications. Kathryn tried to think back to the last thing she could remember, but all that she could recall was talking to the Borg Queen. After that, there was nothing. Glancing over to the other biobeds, she could see that Tuvok and B'Elanna were sedated, their Borg technology already partially removed. She looked around for any implication, her eyes travelling from the Doctor's face to Seven's and back again; she could discern little from either that gave her any hope. Fear began to rise in the captain's chest as the EMH ran a medical scanner over her cautiously avoiding her gaze; there was something he wasn't telling her. "Wh-what happened?"

"You were injured just before the beam-out."

Janeway tried to quell the terror that was building in the pit of her stomach and lumping in her throat. But this was no time to give in to fear. Instead, she set her jaw firmly and repeated her question with more conviction. "What happened?"

Seven's heart clenched at the whispered query from the captain. The contrast between her physically vulnerable state and the insistence of her tone moved her: only Janeway could be near death one moment and still hold a commanding presence while lying nude in Sickbay the next. She wished that her captain could manage to find something positive in what had happened. A 'silver lining' of some sort. But, more importantly, Seven hoped that the woman she loved would be able to get through this particular ordeal with minimal distress. Although there had been no indication of this so far, she assumed it was only because Kathryn did not yet know of her predicament. Seven was scared of what might happen once she was told, as pain and suffering were two things that Kathryn Janeway did not need to face right now. The mere idea of Kathryn being hurt, in any way, was enough to fill Seven with the instinctive urge to take the captain into her arms and hold her as close as possible, as if that would ensure that the auburn-haired woman would never come to any harm again.

_Illogical. It is impossible that sustained contact between our two bodies would achieve such an aim. If anything, given her current state it would be more likely to damage her further_. Seven also knew that it was possible such a display would be embarrassing for her captain. However, she needed to do something, to show Kathryn that she was not alone in this, in any of it. Deciding on a relatively surreptitious gesture, Seven moved her right hand down to the captain's wrist and gently placed her fingers in the space between the thumb and palm. Applying a little pressure with the intent of reassuring the woman who lay before her, the blonde's heart stalled again as she felt the thumb squeeze her fingers just a little in return. Janeway's face remained unchanged, but any chance of it just being an involuntary movement was eradicated when she felt the digit stroke twice across her first two knuckles.

"There was an explosion." The Doctor hesitated again, letting his arms fall as his scan was completed. Seven swallowed as she considered the potential outcomes of his reluctance to tell the captain of the Borg technology still present within her body. Denying Janeway the knowledge of what had happened might just cause her panic over the situation; and as such, Seven wanted her to know as soon as possible, but to be told in a way that was open and honest as well as gentle. However, the Doctor seemed to be procrastinating, and Seven doubted her ability to break the news herself.

"Your injuries were sustained in the aftermath: mainly burns and shrapnel wounds. They have been healed, but it will take a few days until I can release you from Sickbay, and a matter of weeks until I will allow you to go back to duty."

Janeway scrutinized the face of the projection in front of her. But she was momentarily distracted when Seven's hand covered her own. Her instincts told her that there was something more. "What aren't you telling me, Doctor?"

He looked up at the dangerously quiet question. "Due the Borg technology in your body, there were problems with treating the injuries you sustained form the explosion. We had to remove your exoplating as fast as we could to stop the hemorrhaging from internal injuries you sustained." He stopped again and Janeway could almost hear the unsaid 'Don't tell her' that hung in the air between the two people hovering above her.

"Doctor." If the tone had been dangerous before, it was lethal now. No longer was she warning him; now she was giving him a direct order. "Tell me."

"When you were beamed to Sickbay, there were two initial aims: most importantly to save your life and, once that task had been completed, to remove the Borg technology from your systems." The EMH swallowed holographic saliva and looked down at holographic shoes.

_Okay, I know I'm alive, so they managed the first aim. But the second?_

"And?" Her grip tightened a little on Seven's hand: anger and fear were building inside her at the EMH's words; she needed to be sure that her friend was still stood by her.

"During the surgery, we relied on them to keep you alive. They were the only reason we weren't bringing you back in a pile of ashes with the occasional piece of flesh." He stopped himself and took a deep breath, looking his commanding officer directly in the eye. "I'm sorry, Captain, but due to the way you have been healed, it is unlikely that your body will ever be completely free of implants."

Seven was still watching Janeway, both elated and terrified as to what might happen next. Still holding Seven's hand, Janeway's face became emotionless, the well-known command mask slipping into place to hide any show of emotion. There had been times in the past when Seven had been able to see past it, but now was not one of them.

Behind the mask, Janeway was becoming agitated.  _He's wrong. He has to be._ She tried to sit up, to move anything below her head that was not her right hand. She could move that just fine, but her legs and remaining arm were like lead and refused to move.  _This can't be happening._

She tried to move again, this time just managing to jerk one of her ankles enough for the Doctor to notice.

"I've kept most of you under the influence of localized nerve agents that will keep your muscles numbed until they are more healed, Captain. Right now moving them will delay your recovery. That you've regained consciousness is something I'm going to have to remedy soon as a precaution as well. If your nanoprobes have adapted to the sedatives, it stands to reason that they will soon begin to counteract the other drugs in your system, such as the analgesics."

_My God… I am going to have nanoprobes for the rest of my life._

Janeway looked away from them, her gaze on a point far above them, beyond the ceiling of Sickbay and Voyager's hull. It was a point with coordinates known only to Janeway. "I understand, Doctor. I'm assuming that it would be better to put me under sooner rather than later."

"Ideally, yes."

"Then I suggest you ready a hypospray." This order was weaker, Janeway's voice almost cracking partway through.

Hearing this, Seven took a long, slow breath and swallowed. She had hoped for more, for some sort of recognition to show that Kathryn Janeway would be able to recover from this; she found none. Part of her wanted to insist that Kathryn stay awake, that she said something, much like the utterance of Seven's name as she came round that proved there could be something more between the two of them. But the command mask was still in place: her tone was flat; her face neutral. But the fire that was normally alight in her blue/gray eyes was nowhere to be found.

She doesn't want me here… Seven's throat constricted at this thought. She had felt sure that Janeway would have been glad to have wake with Seven beside her, and initially she thought the captain had been, but maybe now she knew she too would be burdened with Borg technology for the foreseeable future Seven was the last person she wanted to have around.

As the Doctor raised the hypospray, Seven went to remove her hand, to pull away and leave. Noticing the young woman begin to do so, Janeway held on tighter, making Seven's heart skip a beat. Turning back, there was just time for Seven to see the woman on the biobed look at her briefly, focusing on her face before they fluttered shut at the hiss of the hypo and the hand around hers was forced to release its grip, slumping down onto the bed once again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this has taken so long. Thank you to all you brilliant people who have followed this story and have encouraged me to post this chapter- you really helped to get me going, even if it took me a while to act on your support. Don't worry, I'm not about to make you wait as long again- the next chapter is already being worked on. AK :)

Of the unidentifiable puce mash on this plate, Tom Paris had brought himself to eat as much as he could, which was barely half of the portion that he had been given. He hadn't come to the mess hall for food, but out of necessity. Tom knew that gong without sustenance for much longer would not be wise, and had therefore decided to take a short break from helping the Doctor in Sickbay. Standing, he placed his tray in the recycler and made his way towards the exit.

He had been encouraged by the Doctor to visit the mess hall, which he had now done, and then to get some sleep, which he would do after visiting Sickbay again. As much as Tom did not want to think of what could be awaiting him there, and had attempted valiantly not to during his meal, he could think of nothing else. Tom had debated whether or not to return, but was aware that if he neglected to do so, he would not be able to rest until he knew that all was as well as could be expected. So, while he walked briskly through the mess hall exit and into the nearest turbolift, his mind began to plague him with possible scenarios.

Given that both Tuvok and B'Elanna had been stable when he left, there was very little chance that anything had changed in either of their conditions; however, this was not the case with the ship's captain.

Kathryn Janeway's struggle on the biobed in Sickbay mere hours beforehand had been difficult for Tom to witness. Although he had seen her in Sickbay on countless occasions, the injuries she had sustained on the Borg cube were somehow different from anything he'd seen before. Not only did these injuries present physically, but psychologically: at least Tom had suspected so, seeing no way Janeway could not be profoundly affected by the drastic changes to her body. The complications that had arisen when he and the Doctor had tried to heal some of the damage had exacerbated the situation; although she had been stable before he left Sickbay, Tom did not want to think about what might happen if any other problems surfaced.

Over the years he had known Kathryn Janeway, he had always been sure she would pull through anything, but now his certainty was fundamentally shaken. Even if she did recover from her injuries, there would be lasting reminders of the explosion. There was no way of knowing what the future held for the captain right now, but Tom vowed to do everything he could to help her through it.

Exiting the turbolift, he continued on to Sickbay, hoping that any change during his absence would have been a positive one. He had already been faced with losing his captain once today. A second time would be devastating: not only to him, but to the entire _Voyager_ crew.

The Sickbay doors slid open to reveal a scene similar to the one he had left behind. Tuvok and B'Elanna were still sedated, and the EMH was turning his attentions from one to the other infrequently as he took deep-tissue readings in order to determine the exact location of their implants. Tom briefly stole a glance at the woman he loved, grateful for the knowledge that she would recover from this. However, he did not want to focus too closely on the mottled gray skin that was visible on her hands and face: it made his stomach turn to think what she must have gone through on the cube, how two cold assimilation tubules had entered her neck to spew millions of nanoprobes into her jugular, nanoprobes which nearly instantaneously had flooded her bloodstream.

He took a deep breath and looked around the room, not wanting his gaze to linger any longer on the unconscious form of the woman he loved. He then turned his attention to the other end of the room, where he could see the figures of Seven of Nine and the captain. This was the one area of Sickbay where there had been a change: while Janeway lay unmoving, her position the same as it had been the last time he'd seen her—arms by her sides, the back of her head resting on the pillow—her companion, Seven of Nine, stood rooted next to the biobed, her feet slightly apart as she remained by her captain's side. The blonde's demeanor had changed while Tom had been absent. Although she'd appeared slightly fatigued thirty minutes ago, she was now looking exhausted: far from the straight-backed, efficient woman he knew.

Turning to his right, Tom saw that the Doctor was still in his office, presumably looking over readings as he had been as Tom had left. It was reassuring to see that the appearance of apprehension had abated slightly as he looked over the data.

Glancing back at the two women, Tom wondered if Seven might be stroking the back of the captain's hand, but as he looked again, he saw this was not the case. Seven's limb was simply placed alongside Janeway's, holding on to the edge of the biobed to support Seven.

_She can't even bring herself to stand upright._ Realizing this, Tom walked over, compelled to help her if he could.

Seven did not even notice him until he spoke.

"Seven, when was the last time you had something to drink?"

There was a pause before she answered, but when she did, her eyes were still fixed on the woman lying on the biobed in front of her.

"It has been approximately 21 hours since I last consumed nutritional matter of any kind." Her voice was fainter than usual and Tom saw that there were dark circles under her eyes.

"What about rest, Seven? When was the last time you regenerated?"

"Since encountering Unimatrix Zero, regeneration has not been as effective as usual. I have found that I awake feeling as tired as I was when I began my cycle, and in some cases even more so."

"Seven, you need some rest. Why don't you regenerate for a couple of hours and then come back? Now that Unimatrix Zero is no longer around you might even get some rest."

"I cannot, Lieutenant. I cannot be away from her for an extended period of time, knowing that I am responsible for this."

"Seven, I know that you do not want to leave, and I understand," he told her softly, gesturing to B'Elanna. "What your body needs right now is a different matter. Right now you need rest, and nutrition-"

At this, Seven opened her mouth to speak, but Tom persisted.

"Hear me out. I am not suggesting that you go away to regenerate for an entire cycle, although that is probably what would be best for you right now. Instead, what I think you should do is go up to the mess hall and get something to eat. Sit down for maybe twenty minutes. Talk to Naomi. I saw her while I was up there and she was worried. She said that you'd promised to come back and tell her that everything was okay as soon as you could."

Seven swallowed and found her throat drier than usual. She had forgotten about the girl completely. "And then I can return?"

He scanned her briefly, to check which of her systems was being the most affected by the lack of rest. "Yes, you can. But only if you rest when you do. There are still biobeds available, and I think that it would be all right if you were to lie down on one of them."

"Are you suggesting that I sleep in lieu of regeneration?"

"According to your medical readings, there has been no damage done to your implants. I know that sleep is something that you might not yet be familiar with, but in this case perhaps your human systems are the ones in need of the rest."

Tom watched as Seven thought this through for a moment. It was obvious that his offer had been tempting: he heard her stomach growl persuasively. She regarded Janeway for a long moment, then sighed quietly.

"I could always ignore your advice."

"You could." He smiled at the idea. "But then I would have to ask the Doc to take you off duty. Given your current condition, I can't imagine him refusing to do so. Logically, Seven, you know this is the better course of action, as you will be better prepared for when she wakes up." Tom paused, wondering if he could persuade her further. "I would tell the captain the same thing."

"Very well. I shall go to the mess hall, and return soon." She stepped back from the biobed and walked towards the exit.

Tom saw her stop halfway to the doors; he looked up as she turned back.

"Please let me know if anything changes."

"Of course," he replied, watching her turn once again and leave in silence.

Tom left to join the Doctor in the office, to let him know that he would stay for a short while longer before returning to his quarters to rest. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the Sickbay doors slide closed again and tried to remember whether Seven of Nine had ever said 'please' to him before.


End file.
